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“The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.”
(Source: moreofamore)
Forms Of Love In Buddhism by Ajahn Brahm
(Source: dhammaloka.org.au)
“…Whenever we love someone, we tend to become possessive. When we are loved, we want to be the sole object of our lover’s attention. We don’t want him or her to love anyone else. Possessive love is like a dictatorship. We want to control the one we love, dictating what they can and cannot do. In wholesome love relationships, there is a certain amount of possessiveness and attachment, but if it is excessive, both lover and beloved will suffer.
A father may think he “owns” his son. “You have to obey everything I say. Study this, do that, or I will not recognize you as my son.” A young man may say to his girlfriend, “You can’t go shopping at that hour, you can’t use that perfume, you can’t wear that color.” When you love in such a toxic way, it is like putting chains on your lover. The love that once seemed a castle becomes nothing more than a prison. When the paint begins to peel, the prison bars are revealed, and both feel trapped, unable to escape. Your marriage contract may have become a life sentence with no possibility of release. Separating or staying together, both are intolerable. This is true not only of marriages, but also in relationships between parents and children, friends, teachers, and students. It is essential that we learn to love in a way that preserves our beloved’s freedom and allows us both to maintain our individuality. That is the kind of love the Buddha taught.”
